The Epic Sleep

You all have been through it. Those nights that you stay out way too late; the following work day that is a hellishly exhausting trudge.

I had one of those recently. Nothing to add to the Monday morning blues like a slice of fatigue and a hot cup of want-to-kill-yourself. I actually managed to sneak a small nap in, and achieved total deep sleep REM within 5 minutes, only to wake myself 5 minutes after that, thinking I was still at home in my bed and incredibly late for work, instead of curled up in my work clothes on the boss's couch.

To get through the day, I started planning the epic sleep that I was going to have that night. Here's my killer recipe:

1. Must be appropriately exhausted, but not in pain. If you have a headache... well... stop it!

2. Must not succumb to sleep in the first hour you are home after work - wait for it...

3. Must have a full, hearty meal. Namely, chicken scallopini as prepared by Vinnie Singh.

4. Must play at least one, preferably two rounds of mario kart wii. This step is crucial. If you are not in possession of a wii, you are obviously not as cool as I am.

5. Must have 1-2 beers*, well spaced, finished 20 minutes prior to entering bed chamber.

*(Can substitute one glass of red wine)

6. Must unwind with one episode of intellectually numbing material. Grey's Anatomy is perfect.

7. Must evacuate your person (yep, poop and pee,) before entering bed chamber. You don't want your epic sleep to be interrupted by annoying urges.

8. Uh, get clean.

9. Must engage in last-minute, brief, physically satisfying activity. No, I will not elaborate.

10. Must adjust soothing music playlist to appropriate level.

I must say, it was glorious.