Surviving the Apocalypse...

We've all seen them.  The tidal waves.  The volcanos.  The asteroids.  Yes, I'm talking about the disaster movies.  There's something perversely fascinating about watching New York leveled in a 400 foot tidal wave (Deep Impact) or Los Angeles smothered in volcanic goo (Volcano, duh..) 

But the best part about a disaster movie is the lesson we take away from it. And no, I'm not talking about reconciliation and accepting your fate.  Fuck that.  I want to LIVE!  And after watching each of these movies enough times, I finally know how.

KEYS TO SURVIVAL:

1. Have a bike.  Not a bicycle -- a serious motorbike that can handle rough terrain, steep hills, and outrun a speeding tsunami.

2.  Have a kid.  Or a dog.  Or a spouse you took for granted for years and still need to reconcile with.  Just something to live for.  This one is a bit of a gamble, because sometimes the tear-jerk factor for such a character is too high to resist killing them off, but you generally have a better chance if the universe (or audience) looks at you in a favorable light.  

3.  Have an extensive knowledge of something esoteric.  If you are an expert in a rare form of botany or string theory, you are not only likely to make it (for what exact reason, I'm not exactly sure,) but you will also be looked upon as a commodity.  

4.  DON'T follow the crowds.  In the event of an asteroid, or alien invasion, think outside the box.

5.  Don't be a dick.  Assholes get their due.  Generally it involves trying to climb over a pregnant woman for a ride in the last helicopter out of town, which inevitably crashes.  So just keep that in mind.

6.  That said, don't be a pussy.  Someone who sits and cries when thing gets tough is more likely to get killed just because.  No one likes a whiner.

Just take these lessons to heart and you are sure to survive the next apocalyptic event.  Minus Zombies.  Those fuckers are different case entirely...

Things You Don't Hear Every Day...

"She had the calves of a crazy person..."

"If you were the guy, who just did what you did, what would you say to yourself?"

"I'll sic my pet scabies on her..."

"It's the worst thing in a book if someone feels a lump. What happened to good ol' consumption?"

"You gotta get on the straight 'n narrow, Chewy knows the way..."

Unacceptable....

I know there's a ridiculous laundry list of injustices in this world, but right alongside of headlines about "honor killings," this makes my blood boil. Where's the outrage?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/06/19/darfur.rape/index.html

IndoYOU!

So I've been slacking lately on the whole blog thing. My bad. Change is afoot -- I'm moving on from my current job to be a writer's assistant at an awesome company. Very excited.

ANYWAY

For my first posting after a brief hiatus, I decided to write about something I think about, dream about, and care about a lot. Food. I bring to you, the hungry masses, INDOMIE!!!!

We've all had ramen. Or cup'o'noodles. Or some variation thereof. It's not exactly bad for you, but some college students actually got scurvy for eating nothing but. It taste's okay, if you like shredded cardboard soaked in corn oil. Or if you spent your parent's "care-package" money on six-packs instead of six-grain bread. My point is, if you're tummy is gonna slum it, you may want to slum it with some taste. That's where Indomie comes in.

For those of you who don't know, I grew up mostly in Sri Lanka and Indonesia. In Sri Lanka I discovered egg hoppers. In Indonesia I discovered Indomie.

Indomie is basically just Indonesian ramen: dry noodles, flavoring, picture of questionable-looking food on the packet. But for some reason, Indomie is fantastic. It has more flavor. Better flavor. Do yourself a favor, and don't take my word for it. I'm just a humble believer.

You want real great food? Go to a restaurant. You want real good food for 65 cents? Have some Indomie. Preferably with a fried egg mixed in. Seriously, it's delicious. You want scurvy? Well, you know what to do.